In my haste
I embraced
The worst of me,
Brushing aside
The gold inside
Till naught but iron gleamed.
With a heart full of rust
How could I trust
Worth lay within?
For every attempt to right
Felt like a bitter slight
And not some higher plan.
For how can you see
Among all this debris
Something worth saving?
Yet you have shown
I am no longer my own,
But merely an extension
Of your outstretched hands.
Do you want to talk about bloody nails;
Fingerprints scraped off by friction?
There are roots growing
Where the mud is caked on.
I can’t stop digging,
To the left,
To the right,
Trying to get higher.
I look up and see the stars above me,
So far away
And blurred by the sweat in my eyes.
I can smell yesterday’s work
Lingering on my lips,
Like a taunting kiss.
Who is this monster compelling me
To dig?
What is their name?
If I screamed it at the top of my lungs
Would they even care?
All I want to do is escape.
All I want to do is run again.
To feel the embrace of another human being
Or just hear my name.
All I want to do is escape,
But how can I…
When I’m the one who started digging?
The light is before me,
Though shadows surround my feet.
I step forward,
And it slowly drifts away.
The warmth where it once was
Lingers;
I brace myself
As the winter air assails me.
Snow falls from a forbidden land;
Teasing my senses.
I look out to the left
And see fires burning;
They seem strong–
Lasting hours,
But always fading in the end.
I look back to the light–
Slowly drifting,
But never wavering–
A steady, consistent hue.
I stumble in the shadows,
Grasping at the air for refuge.
My fingers meet metal;
My mouth tastes copper.
I am crawling towards illumination,
As blood drips from my tongue.
My vision is blurred,
My words are slurred,
But somehow it feels like home.
Darling, kiss me slow
Lips like an undertow
And drown me in your love, tonight.
Oh, pull me in;
Let me feel warmth again,
Until the sun starts rising.
Dear, let me sing to sleep,
Shear all your fears like sheep,
And leave your past behind you.
Darling, so kiss me slow;
Your lips are all I know,
And taste our dreams, tonight.
What defense can be afforded a broken heart
When barbs of wire pierce the very hands
That attempt to hold it dear?
When walls of stone erupt
Louder than soothing words can climb?
When a hard and empty shell
Echoes unsatisfactorily?
What defense can be afforded a broken heart;
Pray tell…
For I am growing too old to stand watch alone.
A shot in the dark;
A shot through the heart,
Aimed with arrows and twine
And a bowed bow
That bows out before it’s loosed.
What a loss:
A loose goose
Caught by a noose in the caboose–
A tall tail tale,
Wouldn’t you tell,
If the shell by the sea sells
More sails for sales
Than whales that wail?
That’s enough of that though,
Wouldn’t you know,
We’ve come to a close,
And that was close, I suppose.
Before a rose rose out of my clothes,
But that’s just how it goes.
The difference between love and lust
Lies in lack of faith and trust;
The sensual grasp of empty threads
Dyed in black and deepest reds.
The smell of sweat and fire lingers
Curled between blackened fingers
That trace the curves of your lips
And find rest between your hips.
Lust clenches tightly for fleeing gazes,
Heartless bruising, and empty phrases.
Love holds on gently and calmly sings–
Places value more on time, than things.
Lust craves endless attention
And pays in lack of intimate retention.
Love patiently waits, and nurtures growth–
Holds to loyalty’s promise, a sacred oath.
Lust flees from troubled water,
Preferring to coast as an entitled yachter.
Love abides the stormy years;
A ship made stronger against all fears.
This is what it’s like to love a shadow:
A cluster of beauty,
A shell of a person,
A casing of personality traits
Woven specifically to fit your heart.
To see the mask shift as you leave
Or slip while she’s in your arms.
The phone lights up and she’s gone,
To another source to feed that void,
To dance and sing her praises.
You’re never enough,
Because it’s not you–
An unfillable heart
Against a finite supply of love.
No one wins;
And everything’s a game.
Bring any amount of light,
It’ll be snuffed out or shunned.
Truth is judgement;
Judgement is shame.
No matter how you phrase it,
It stings.
How do you love a shadow with no skin? Gently, my dear, gently…
But even cotton soft is tossed aside
For sandpaper phrases
Or honeyed promises of better days
With less work, less trying…
Less love.
When you love a shadow,
Embrace your light,
Embrace your right to shine.
For when she’s long gone,
That’s what you’ll have left.
Keep walking towards the Sun,
Feel the warmth again.
How do you love a shadow?
You let her find her own way,
Her own strength,
Her own life,
As you move on.
I no longer need someone to save
Nor someone to rescue me.
I have a Savior;
But as for mortal love,
I need a partner
Not a mother, father, or nurse.
No knight in shining,
Nor heroine with sharpened sword–
Just a friend to hold and laugh with.
Someone to watch the stars fall,
To share warmth of summer,
And bear the frosty winter mornings.
Someone to learn with,
To listen to when days are rough–
A reminder that sacrifice is at the heart
And soul of eternity.
Someone to tease,
To take on adventures
On mountains, lakes, and valleys
Or in the shelter of our home.
To peruse the shelves of her mind
And bookmark every word
To sing the notes written in her bones.
To trace every freckle,
To kiss every scar,
But most of all to thrive in the present.
To thrive in the gift
Of being more than we would be alone.
You left like it was nothing–
A breath in a storm,
Exhalation,
A slight pause after a misstep
Without looking back.
We spilled our souls
With crooked ladles,
Splashing counters,
Dripping secrets like stains
On white linen shirts.
You decried abandonment,
Screaming that true love would stay,
Would never ask you to change,
Wouldn’t want you happier,
Wouldn’t want you healthier.
One year of laughter,
One year of pain,
Then all I heard was silence.
It’s suffocating,
The weight of non-existence
Crushing my chest… .
But it’s nothing to you.
Maybe it never was.
Maybe it never will be.
Maybe it never is.
Moonlit Poetry 