Today I needed a break,

From what, I’m not so sure.

Instead I was bombarded,

Friends at every door.

I watched shows until my head hurt,

Tumbled till I cried.

Then I had to give it up,

And take a step outside.

I laid upon my wooded porch,

With forest at my back.

Looked up at the sky,

Wondered what I lack.

My Inoue lay beside me,

A companion, not a pet.

Exactly what I needed,

Though I knew it not, yet.

Then soon she had departed,

I was left alone,

To think and to listen

To sounds other than my phone.

I listened to the roar of bugs,

The cars that passed us by,

The wind amongst the leaves,

Clouds drifting in the sky.

They whispered of their melodies,

Harmonies unique.

When others might hear dissonance,

I heard a thousand speak.

They shared with me their wisdom,

Just as passers by.

They told me of their heartache,

Of seeing loved ones die.

They spoke of generations,

Lost within it all.

They warned me that I couldn’t try,

Or else I might fall.

Yet up I went and grabbed the swing,

Nestled in the tree,

I jumped, held on,

Yelled silently: “I’m free.”

Then I settled down,

I held onto my knees,

I pulled myself close

And begged for comfort “Please.”

Then my phone went off,

I answered in a flash.

Back to the world,

Break’s over, back beneath the lash.

Sometimes I want to write

To you about the sky,

The fields, branches and meadows,

So I lift my pen and try.

To trace the rivers back,

And swim along their shores.

To run away,

And dream of candle light and s’mores,

To race across the mountains,

To settle on plateaus,

To seek the ancient wonder,

Escape from friend and foes.

Yet here I lie,

And lay and rest,

And doubt, forever sure

That these words will be just that,

Never nothing more.

I’m sorry I’ve turned quiet,

I don’t know what to say.

It’s funny how I write so well,

But with you, it goes astray.

It’s not that I love you less,

If anything, it’s more.

You have no idea,

How much, you, I adore.

We offered our hearts

To one another’s care.

But we weren’t ready yet,

So time has cause some wear.

We’ve struggled and we’ve cried,

Together and apart.

But you, I’ve always kept,

Close, beside my heart.

I can never tell you this,

It’s no longer what you need.

Once I held you closely,

Now you fly away, freed.

It’s not that we don’t love,

It’s that we can’t forget.

Without the knowledge of ourselves,

We just can’t, not yet.

So I’ll write this here,

Where you’ll probably never look.

For the love and care I have for you,

Would fill every book.

So if I feel distant,

Please understand,

I’d run two thousand miles

Just to be there, to hold your hand.

You said you wanted to smile,

With every word I write.

To see the letters flow,

From day to darkened night.

You told me that you cried,

Weeping gentle tears,

For all the pain that I have seen,

These three and twenty years.

You proclaimed that I was perfect,

In voice, manner and way.

I replied “You’re beautiful.”

What else could I say?

You declared to me your promise,

To keep me safe from harms.

So in you I trusted,

Myself within your arms.

And now in them I’m resting,

Nestled gently now.

You begin to speak,

I whisper “Not now…”

I should be done,

but I’m not.

The words that came so easy,

Begin to rot.

Each twisting,

inside my heart,

Choking life,

Before it can start.

The melodies that once were peace,

Lie in pieces on the ground.

I’m shouting in my head,

But to you I make no sound

The promises I made,

The strength that I lack.

I’ve tried to walk away,

To never look back.

I’m trying not to think,

Of what we could have been.

I try not to dream,

As I write them with my pen.

I wish you could hear me,

The thoughts of my soul.

But you’re dead to my rhythm,

No longer a part of my whole.

And as I lay myself to rest.

I can only wish for you,

My love, my heart and my all, the best.

Here I am again,

With neither paper nor pen

To write the thoughts

That stray throughout my mind.

I cease to speak

And yet I seek

To express

Feelings that free and bind.

And while the river,

Once so free,

Has trickled to a drop-

I can not stop.

For every line is a promise,

A way to recompense,

In a manner, to set off,

To depart, hence.

So now I type,

Upon the screen,

With fingers soft and thin,

I’m reaching out to you,

So I can reach within.

The night has descended

and tired is my heart.

I feel the body’s weakness,

In spirit, in soul torn apart.

I try to clear my thoughts,

With poem, prayer or song.

Yet find the melodies missing,

Somehow wrong.

So I seek solace in writing,

An escape for my thoughts.

To get it out, the poison,

Before it rots.

So here I lay before you,

The secrets of my self.

Bound, measured and tamed,

Desiring a shelf.

That my pains may be yours,

And yes, my triumphs too.

For we shall walk together,

Like friends should do.

As we are not quite strangers,

Though we’ve never met.

I know you’ve had heartache,

And felt depressed, I’ll bet.

I won’t lie and say don’t worry,

It’s just a phase of life.

For some of us are chosen,

To bear our time in strife.

Within our hearts we question,

Can happiness be real?

For, yes, we see it,

But, for us to feel?

We hunker in our shadows,

We travel in the night.

We bury ourselves in reading,

By silent candlelight.

And by and by we falter,

We slip and we forget.

That each has a purpose,

Though, know, we may not yet.

For out of our experience,

We can call forth light.

The lead others through,

The seemingly endless night.

And find ourselves among them,

Though we feel not whole.

We are never truly broken,

As united, hearts and souls.

So don’t believe you are alone,

That no one understands.

We are more than our trials,

While we are holding hands.

So, let us build together,

A harmony of parts.

And with these scattered pieces,

Find peace, at last, in our own hearts.

If you can’t love me, with all you know.

Then who?

If you can’t hold me, with all we’ve seen

Then who?

If you can’t find me, with all I’ve been

Then who?

If you won’t fight for me,

Then who?

If you can’t trust me, with all I’ve shown you

Then who?

If you can’t forgive me, with all you understand

Then who?

To whom do I turn for the love you filled so perfectly?

To whom do I turn, when you were made for me?