You’ve been waiting all these years

To find your other piece.

Struggling with but yourself,

One day your search will cease.

I know not when, I know not where,

This quest will meet its end

I only know it will one day,

I promise that, my friend.

Beyond this veil of tears,

Beyond the grave of debt,

Before this year has ended,

I know not, yet.

Know that I will love you,

Though perfect I can not be,

I will give all I have,

Once you find me.

I’ll sweep you off your feet,

I’ll sing to you and dance,

We’ll cross the world over,

New Zealand, England, France.

I’ll whisper every morning,

I’ll shout across the sky,

Just how much you mean to me,

Though you may question why.

For we will find peace in one another,

To settle down at last,

Cherishing our present day,

Giving up our past.

You will hold to me,

I will hold to you,

Linger lovingly in every thought,

In everything we do.

So please be patient,

Don’t you fret,

I have to find myself,

But I will find you, yet.

Though the rain departs,

Its footsteps linger after,

Mingled tears, laughter.

It’s night again and I can’t sleep,

Though tired is my heart.

I’ve bid goodnight to all my friends,

Hoping to depart.

Yet down to rest I must refuse,

My mind’s unsettled mess

And lay aside today’s confusion,

With all of its distress.

For still stuck am I on that question:

“Do I love myself?”

For though I stretch my heart for others,

I set mine on a shelf.

It’s painful to admit,

But I know it’s true,

It’s harder to accept “me”

Than the most broken “you.”

It is not that I am terrible,

Or in some way worth less.

It’s just that I don’t think of me,

Enough to stress,

The things I want, I need and feel

The things I wish you’d tell

As I try to create your heaven,

While burning in my hell.

Again it’s not that I deserve

Or feel it’s justice due,

It’s that I’ve learned to think,

Of myself less than you.

So please remember,

As I’m trying to forget,

You meant the world to me,

Though we’ve never met.

For once, someone did
Care enough to ask of me
What is it you want?

For once, someone did
Love enough to ask of me
What is it you feel?

For once someone did
Think enough to ask of me
What is it you need?

Who? You might inquire
Might have cared, and loved, and thought
Who I might have met.

For once, I did stop,
To think about my own self
Yet, I did not ask.

To reach for the stars

Is a simple sort of thing,

Until you can’t breathe.

Today I needed a break,

From what, I’m not so sure.

Instead I was bombarded,

Friends at every door.

I watched shows until my head hurt,

Tumbled till I cried.

Then I had to give it up,

And take a step outside.

I laid upon my wooded porch,

With forest at my back.

Looked up at the sky,

Wondered what I lack.

My Inoue lay beside me,

A companion, not a pet.

Exactly what I needed,

Though I knew it not, yet.

Then soon she had departed,

I was left alone,

To think and to listen

To sounds other than my phone.

I listened to the roar of bugs,

The cars that passed us by,

The wind amongst the leaves,

Clouds drifting in the sky.

They whispered of their melodies,

Harmonies unique.

When others might hear dissonance,

I heard a thousand speak.

They shared with me their wisdom,

Just as passers by.

They told me of their heartache,

Of seeing loved ones die.

They spoke of generations,

Lost within it all.

They warned me that I couldn’t try,

Or else I might fall.

Yet up I went and grabbed the swing,

Nestled in the tree,

I jumped, held on,

Yelled silently: “I’m free.”

Then I settled down,

I held onto my knees,

I pulled myself close

And begged for comfort “Please.”

Then my phone went off,

I answered in a flash.

Back to the world,

Break’s over, back beneath the lash.

Sometimes I want to write

To you about the sky,

The fields, branches and meadows,

So I lift my pen and try.

To trace the rivers back,

And swim along their shores.

To run away,

And dream of candle light and s’mores,

To race across the mountains,

To settle on plateaus,

To seek the ancient wonder,

Escape from friend and foes.

Yet here I lie,

And lay and rest,

And doubt, forever sure

That these words will be just that,

Never nothing more.

I’m sorry I’ve turned quiet,

I don’t know what to say.

It’s funny how I write so well,

But with you, it goes astray.

It’s not that I love you less,

If anything, it’s more.

You have no idea,

How much, you, I adore.

We offered our hearts

To one another’s care.

But we weren’t ready yet,

So time has cause some wear.

We’ve struggled and we’ve cried,

Together and apart.

But you, I’ve always kept,

Close, beside my heart.

I can never tell you this,

It’s no longer what you need.

Once I held you closely,

Now you fly away, freed.

It’s not that we don’t love,

It’s that we can’t forget.

Without the knowledge of ourselves,

We just can’t, not yet.

So I’ll write this here,

Where you’ll probably never look.

For the love and care I have for you,

Would fill every book.

So if I feel distant,

Please understand,

I’d run two thousand miles

Just to be there, to hold your hand.

You said you wanted to smile,

With every word I write.

To see the letters flow,

From day to darkened night.

You told me that you cried,

Weeping gentle tears,

For all the pain that I have seen,

These three and twenty years.

You proclaimed that I was perfect,

In voice, manner and way.

I replied “You’re beautiful.”

What else could I say?

You declared to me your promise,

To keep me safe from harms.

So in you I trusted,

Myself within your arms.

And now in them I’m resting,

Nestled gently now.

You begin to speak,

I whisper “Not now…”