Women Are People

Women are people,

Not rewards for good behavior.

Women are people,

Not blank walls to project art onto.

Women are people,

Not pockets to fill with leftover lint

And lives you wish you’d spent

With more than halfhearted sentiment.

Women are people,

Not journals to fill with ideas.

Women are people,

Not dreams to wake up from.

Women are people,

Not books to read and discard

At the end of a long day.

Women are people,

Not streets to walk through

On your way to self-discovery.

Women are people,

Not an outlet for your rage and inadequacy.

Women are people,

Not a frame of reference for a better life.

Women are people,

Not an anchor in this storm you’ve created.

Women are people,

Not a mirror for you to style yourself in

And see your ego reflected back

Smiling unceasingly with hands together in praise.

Women are people…

Why is this so hard to grasp?

Do not tiptoe around my heart;

It has seen far too many wars

To give merit to too soft a touch.

It hears sweetness

And flinches-

For so often are knives wrapped in velvet.

Sometimes tasting steel

As it slides between my ribs

Feels more familiar than my name.

And the scent of vanilla

Sours overnight…

You said I was a galaxy,

But when I reached out I stopped short

Like stars were hiding up my sleeves

And I couldn’t feel them.

They’re scattered like unread mail

Discarded on the kitchen counter

And wedged between the fridge and wall,

Like wishes collecting dust

And visions I cannot stop repeating.

When I reach for them I fall apart

And each star falling is a supernova

Embracing a new life

With an immolation of the last.

It’s Okay

It’s okay to say no

Not now

Not ever.

It’s okay to say wait

Give me time

Give me space.

It’s okay to stop

To take a break

To get some air.

It’s okay to breathe

Take a walk

Listen to the trees.

Just Breathe

Say No

Say Wait

Just Stop

Take Space.

Loneliness

Loneliness is a crowded mind

With no access tunnels,

Where words are shoveled

And piled into carts

But have nowhere to go.

Loneliness is an avalanche

Of everything you wish you could say

But never have enough time to

Or never feel safe to.

Loneliness is suffocating

So everyone else can breathe easier

Thinking maybe things are better

When you’re just quieter about it.

Loneliness is the realization

That it’s easier to go away

Than try to get someone to listen

Long enough for the weight to lessen.

Loneliness is the weight

Of living decades fighting yourself

Then trying to find yourself

In whatever pieces are left.

Toothpaste and Cookies

I like toothpaste on my cookies,

Because it takes away the guilt

Of anything sweet landing on my tongue.

The government is always slapping labels

Telling me that I cannot eat

Or cannot touch the things that I want.

On a completely unrelated note,

I’ve been in the emergency room

Five times this week.

I’m trying to find an excuse to leave

But the pudding is starting to taste

Like everything I’m missing.

I found your name in my fireplace

From letters you once wrote me

Paragraphs to rival Hamilton’s pen.

I curled up among the ashes

And breathed what was left of you in.

I’m looking in the kitchen

And all I’m finding are cupboards bare

Nothing but echoes in dust.

I close my eyes and feel,

I close my mouth and feel.

I breathe…

A week has never felt so long.

Don’t Tell Me to Come Home

When I was a little boy

My father told me

You will never be a doctor

Because you suck at science.

When I was 8 years old

I scraped my knees on expectations

That were never my own

And looked for home

In the smile of every stranger

That didn’t shout at me.

Every absence of a fist

Felt like a kiss

Until I learned that words

Carried their own poison.

I learned to build a home in books

To crawl into the worlds between letters

And drink them in until I could forget…

I cannot tell you of my childhood

Too many memories are like sand

I grab at smoke that settles

Like grains of time too swift.

I’d stop to smell the roses

But her hands were covered in that scent

And everytime I blink

I can’t erase her laughter from the pain.

Don’t ask me to feel at home

When walls have only ever kept me out

Kept me in cycles of forgetting

That life is actually living…

Instead of waiting for an end.

Alight From Bridges Burning

There is a chuckle in my chest

A warmth in my breast

A touch of lighting in my mouth

In my eyes there is fire

My throat contains a choir

Splitting notes, like hairs on my head.

My fingers contain flowers

Planting kisses all the hours

On keys of an ivory bed

And yet with lashes weeping

My heart, its song is sleeping

At the end of a dream where all have fled.

The Brink of Disaster

Everything feels on the brink of disaster

Like I’m constantly leaning back in a chair

And I’ve slipped

That split second shift

Before I’m heading towards the ground

Or miss a step running down the stairs.

Each sentence out of my mouth

Each thought in my head

Feel like when the knife slips

And you brace for contact.

It’s like the deer that jumps out in front of you

As you hit the brakes

Or when your foot sinks into a hornets’ nest

And the crunch and buzzing meet your ears.

It’s cacti growing out of your back

When you go to order food

Or remember what you wrote 3 months ago

And can’t get out of your head

It’s feeling like any moment

Life could come crumbling down from within

Just because the dishes from last night are still there.

That’s what anxiety is for me…

Home Is…

Home is where the mask can slip

The mouth can speak

And the tongue is loosed with love.

Home is where the heart can bleed

The soul is freed

And you never feel alone.

Home is where lungs breathe easy

Legs are no longer prone to fleeing

And eyes can close without danger.

Home is where you feel welcomed

Not as an unspoken burden

But as an equal, comrade, and friend.

Home is where you feel accepted

Where you look past petty differences

And hold close in welcoming arms.

Home is not counting favors

Not counting trips to the fridge

Not feeling guilty for existing…

Home is where I want to linger

Home is where I want to sing

Home is where I fall asleep in peace.